‘The Sandwich Effect’: TikToker Schools Us On How To Respond To A Man’s Coffee Date Offer

Source: bojanstory / Getty

TikToker Tisia Saffold dropped dating gems with her cool, calm, collected and coy way of “redirecting” a man’s coffee date offer into dinner plans. 

The online personality popped up on TikTok to save her fellow women in the dating pool from “low budget experiences” suggested by potential suitors. The TikToker showed netizens her texts with an interested bachelor and explained how “the sandwich effect” landed her a date suitable to her standards. 

After Tisia’s suitor suggested the two grab coffee, the TikToker politely and warmly responded at the start of her reply. She notified him their local city’s restaurant week was underway, sent him a link with related restaurant information, and said, “Let me know which one you decide, I’m looking forward to seeing you!”

When her suitor got back to her, he told her he’d gone over the options and thought an Italian restaurant would be a good choice.

Tisia emphasized to her followers that she didn’t even acknowledge the coffee date idea. Instead, she started with something positive, redirected his suggestion, ended her message with something positive, and still allowed the man to make a decision. 

Further messages between the two showed that the suitor confirmed what day and time worked for Tisia. Then, he let her know he’d provide her transportation to the date after she kindly requested he pick her up or send an Uber.

“Ask for what you want, be polite in your ask, be a little bit difficult and always say please and thank you,” the TikTok personality advised. 


A spray of my perfume costs more than a mocha chocha latte baby..

♬ original sound – Tisia


Tisia shared her video Aug. 29, and it’s received 4.9 million views since. 

The TikTok creator’s viral dating advice additionally landed her over 795,000 likes, 115,000 bookmarks, 112,000 shares and 12,000 comments. Netizens praised Tisia’s words of wisdom beneath the clip and shared stories about how using “the sandwich effect” in dating works. 

“My jaw is on the floor. That was MASTERFUL 🔥.”

“You finessed it.”

“Was perfecting this dating approach but then I got a man 🙄. But he gives me everything I want so guess it worked 😂.”

“I did this exact same thing. He brought it up on our date and said I gagged him but he liked it 😂😂😂.”

“Yesssss ma’am!! You did that. 🙌🏽 I’m taking notes 📝.”

“This us exactly how I was when I dated. Now I have a husband that knows how to act. Teach people how to treat you.”

Others in the comments claimed coffee dates undeservedly got a bad wrap. They pointed out that a brief meeting for coffee could be a nice in-person introduction that doesn’t require the commitment of a long dinner, sitting through a movie or doing an activity together. Several others noted that they wouldn’t feel comfortable with a suitor providing transportation for the first date due to safety concerns, but Tisia noted she chatted and FaceTimed with her romantic interest for weeks prior.


“The Sandwich Effect,” aka “The Sandwich Method” or “The Sandwich Approach,” is a feedback technique commonly used in professional settings.

Interestingly, Forbes advises against using the method, claiming it’s “manipulative and undermines trust.” The publication’s Human Resources Council noted that sandwiching distracts from what actually needs improvement. Additionally, the source highlighted that using the method may make positive points seem disingenuous. 

While the sandwich method may have negative roots in the professional world, saying Tisia’s application of it is “manipulative” would be a big reach. At a time when women are “increasingly selective” about the men they date, the TikToker’s savvy redirecting allowed her to still have her pick — just with his actions more aligned with her standards. A win is a win!

There’s also something to be said about the fact that Tisia used the method on a love interest she sees potential in. Whether or not the sandwich method is romantically manipulative would be a more appropriate conversation if it was routinely used on a long-term partner. And at that point, shouldn’t your lover already be treating you your worth — and to your standard — without you having to use a silly method in the first place?

What do you think of applying Tisia’s “sandwich effect” in dating? Sound off in the comments.

RELATED CONTENT: “How To Be A Mindful Dater + Get More Out Of Your Dating Experience”

Proudly powered by WordPress | Theme: Cute Blog by Crimson Themes.